All Types of Players
by justgivingmytwoshekel'sworth
Summary: Hachiman kicks knowledge on a cold, wintry night


It was a cold wintry night. Not a single soul walks along the crime-ridden neighborhood. Every niggas with a home were locked up in their comfy abode, cutting coke and cooking crack. Meanwhile, the broke ass, homeless niggas done froze to death in the mean streets of Detroit.

"Y'see, them snows be white; them snows be killin' us niggas too. Ya know what I'm saying? Nature be speaking facts and amplifying them n shit yo."

"Quit yo postulation, fool. We be talkin' business down here. Ain't no time fo no philosophics." Hikigaya Hachiman, part-time student at Sobu Community College and full-time Detroit drug kingpin, silenced his corpulent right hand man.

"Niggas and gentlemen," Hachiman addressed the crowd, the latter referring to a couple Dominican allies who ain't got a black man pass. "I am pleased to announce our continued success in these parts. Lately y'all hv absolutely killed it with them sales. All them crackheads be begging fo us products! Though we lost some territories to those Vietcongs down south we gotta keep in mind that it was a gesture of sympathy, not a gesture of fear. Man, them gooks gotta eat too!"

"Ha ha ha! Word up homie! We be killing it like dem Mexicans. We is become the next Pablo Escobars. We soon be chilling in big cribs wit jacuzzis n gym n personal bitches n shit. It be only a matter of time!"

"Okay, Hachiman, why u be congregating all us niggas in this god-forsaken weather? Don't tell me that be the only shit I got to hear from you tonight! Y'see, yo gotta treat us niggas wit more respect. Yo really understating us intelligence! See, them inconsequential platitudes ain't the shit that drives us, know what I'm sayin'? We be built for the game at the start, and we be doin' our best no matter the circumstances. Know what I'm sayin'? Point being, you can save yo sum breath next time if you are just gon promise us good times ahead, cos that shit ain't gon motivate us. And we ain't need no motivation whatsoever to do our jobs!"

"Thanks fo keeping it real dawg. I'm happy to hear. But this ain't the reason I asked y'all all out to this crack den in the dead of night. Y'see my grandpa was a wise nigga. Old man was filled with infinite wisdom. His brains be like the Babylonian library, filled to the brim with them knowledge. Besides the capacity of keeping these knowledge he also had a talent of kicking it into other niggas. And I be proud to say I was one of his protege back when I was a shawty. Y'see, grandpa once taught me how to categorize niggas. He taught me how to use niggas' traits to sort them out into desirable niggas and, of course, them undesirable counterparts. He used examples of niggas in his crack squad to help me read niggas. He taught me how to analyse a nigga, how to break a nigga down into individual parts, analyse them parts, then piece them together again to form an analysis of the nigga in its most complex form: his entire being. Damn! I remember getting hooked to this shit for awhile. And grandpa too, he was so persistent in making me learn. He even analysed niggas with me at my bedside! His version of a bedtime story, I be guessin'"

"Anyway, I be digressing. The point is last night I done dreamt of the old man again whom, god bless his soul, got wasted back in the 80s by them no-good crackkas. He opined that this generation be falling apart, cause errbody be so focused on the business side of things that the streetwise ways of the old had all but gone extinct. So now I take it as my responsibility to revive these playa skills in you new-age niggas. The words imma say in the next half hour or so will be the most important knowledge pills y'all will ever gonna swallow. Them pills ain't pretty tho. Man, reality ain't never pretty. Some of y'all will feel offended. Some of y'all embittered. Some of y'all even gonna choke and gag. Every pill has side effects, likewise this one. The pill imma deliver will crush your ego and hurt your pride, but you gotta remember one thing: it's the shit that tastes the most bitter that ended up being real good. So sit down, errbody, and listen real careful, for imma only say it once and never again..."


End file.
